


Moving into Monsterville

by Sephypsycologist



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff, Multi, characters will be tagged as they appear, haven't seen one where it's funny or where reader is alpha so i made it myself, it's not going to just devolve into primality at the drop of a hat, like they're civilized folks, romcom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephypsycologist/pseuds/Sephypsycologist
Summary: The Monster Embassy offered free housing and a stipend to any human willing to live among them and help them integrate.You are one of those who accepted, and who is walking into a new culture...with your metaphorical tail between your legs.





	1. moving day madness

You weren’t sure what to think about this.

Moving into a monster commune.

But you’d agreed since it was rent free and the monsters were offering a stipend for any human willing to step in and help them integrate.

Cool. Right.

Now if they would just stop staring at you.

You had everyone’s attention from the moment you’d stepped out of your car, and now you were hiding in your home, window blinds shut, and worrying that you’d made a big mistake.

“HUMAN? HELLO?”

You scream when you hear the voice, and it replies, “OH, SO YOU ARE HOME! I’M SORRY FOR STARTLING YOU BUT WE, YOUR NEIGHBORS, WANTED TO OFFER A HOUSEWARMING GIFT!”

Peering out your window, you see…a skeleton. Not the most disturbing kind of monster you’d ever seen. He was tall, sure, well clearing six foot, but you liked the jaunty bright clothes he had on. White t-shirt reading “best bro 4 ever” in sharpie, basketballs on his shoulders, and the shortest and brightest yellow shorts you had ever seen.

“O-okay. Um….could you promise not to attack me or something?” you hated yourself for saying it, but after being stared down from the moment you set foot here, you didn’t want to take chances.

“ATTACK? OH OF COURSE NOT! HOW ABSURD!” The skeleton was holding a bowl of spaghetti…you liked pasta so…

“Okay, thank you.”

He walked into your open door and set the bowl on your coffee table, “HELLO, NEW NEIGHBOR! I REALIZE HUMANS LIKE TO GREET EACH OTHER IN THEIR HOMES LIKE THIS, SO I THOUGHT I’D DO THE HUMAN THING AND BE YOUR WELCOMING COMMITTEE! MY NAME IS PAPYRUS, AND I AM A RESIDENT OF THE HOUSE NEXTDOOR! I LIVE THERE WITH MY OLDER BROTHER.”

“Oh? Is he as tall as you?” you can’t help fidgeting once the door is closed. This guy was…well, you felt good instantly on seeing him, which was confusing enough to activate your anxiety.

“NO, IN FACT HE’S HALF A FOOT SHORTER AND MORE LIKE A POTATO THAN MY LITHE FIT SELF.” Papyrus looked around at your boxes and asked, “HAS NO ONE COME TO HELP YOU UNPACK?”

“Uh, no. No it’s just me here.” your family lived out of state, after all. Moving to Ebbot City for college had been the best thing to ever happen to you. At least so far.

“NOT TO WORRY. THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL HAPPILY HELP! IT’S IN MY MAGIC TO DO SO, AFTER ALL!”

Your house became a whirlwind of white and yellow (and red sneakers that you hadn’t noticed till now) as Papyrus started opening your boxes. He could lift the sofa with ease, and after he showed this to be true, you helplessly (and gladly) let him do anything he desired.

“WHERE DOES THIS GO?”

“Kitchen. I labeled most of them.”

“YOU DID INDEED! I SEE IT NOW. YOU HAVE A VERY NICE FONT, HUMAN.”

“you mean my handwriting?”

Papyrus set your TV on the stand he had just finished putting together in front of your awed and baffled gaze. “YES, THAT IS WHAT YOU HUMANS CALL IT. FOR SKELETONS, WE SPEAK AND WRITE IN A FONT. SOME OF US ARE CLEARER THAN OTHERS, BUT MY BROTHER AND I WERE LUCKY TO BE VERY DISTINCT. WE’RE ALSO NAMED AFTER OUR FONTS! HENCE MY HISTORIED AND GLORIOUS NAME!”

Fonts… “oh my gosh, your font was my favorite when I was little.”

He whips around with magical sparkles around his head, “IT WAS?! OH HUMAN! WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT HUMANS HAD FONTS, TOO, I WAS SO EXCITED, AND THEN THIS? THE FIRST HUMAN I MEET ON THE SURFACE ADORES MY WRITING?!” Papyrus looked like he was about to cry.

“I did, yeah,” you feel dizzy from how fast things had gone. Hadn’t you only arrived here a few hours ago? Now a skeleton was in your house, putting together your furniture, and you were numbly eating this…oooh wow this was good spaghetti. “Whoa, who made this?”

“OH, I DID! HUMAN, YOU HAVE AMAZINGLY PERFECT TASTE IN FONTS AND IN FOOD. THANK STARS I CONVINCED SANS THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA, SELLING OUR EXTRA HOME FOR THE INTEGRATION PROJECT.”

So your house had belonged to Papyrus and his brother? Sans?

“Sans what?” since they were font names, he had to be Sans something.

“OH, HIS FULL NAME IS COMIC SANS, BUT I REFUSE TO USE IT. HE ALREADY IS A COMEDIAN AND A HORRIBLE PUNSTER, SO ENCOURAGING HIM WITH HIS GIVEN NAME IS TOO MUCH.”

“Holy stars, don’t tell me you have a cousin named Jokerman.” If so, your font trifecta would be complete.

“NO, SADLY. SANS AND I ARE THE ONLY SKELETONS WE KNOW OF, ACTUALLY.”

You frown. Dang, you wanted to see if Chiller would have lived up to their name.

“BUT NOT TO WORRY! WE WILL BE WONDERFUL NEIGHBORS. IN FACT,” he plucked the now empty bowl from your hands, the fork that had been stuck inside clattering, “I WILL GO GET MY LAZYBONES BROTHER NOW AND HE CAN CHAT WITH YOU WHILE I HELP YOU SETTLE IN. HUMAN FRISK TOLD US TO BE FRIENDLY AND IGNORE INSTINCTS WITH HUMANS, SO I WILL MAKE SURE HE DOES SO TOO!”

He was out your front door before you had a chance to ask about that instincts thing. Did monsters have instincts that told them to avoid humans? And Frisk was the monster ambassador. You were next door to friends of the royal family of monsters.

You would need so much anxiety medication to sleep tonight.

\--

Sans turned out to be exactly as his brother had described him. A potato.

And by that, you mean a (confusingly) soft around the middle, slouchy, easy going guy. Even if blue magic sweat was beaded on his skull as he sat with you on the couch.

“hey.” You could almost hear the lowercase in how much softer he spoke than Papyrus. “so you’re the new neighbor, huh? just you?”

“Yeah. I came for college, so…been on my own for a while.” He seemed not to want to look you in the face.

“SANS, REMEMBER WHAT FRISK SAID. HUMANS DON’T HAVE ROLES,” Papyrus said as he walked up the stairs. “WE’RE FREE TO LOOK THEM IN THE FACE AND HUG THEM AND TALK TO THEM WHENEVER WE PLEASE.”

“I know, I know.” Sans sighed and wiped his hand down his face, the soft chalking noise making you smile. “to patella the truth, human, we’re all a little jumpy up here. you watched frisk explain monster culture on the offer video, yeah?”

Oh no. OH no, now you knew what they were talking about.

“Oh my gosh, yes I did. Do I smell weird? Did I do a taboo on my car or something? I should have guessed when everyone was staring, I’m so sorry!”

This outburst made Sans look at you in confusion, and Papyrus called, “SEE?!” from the depths of the house.

“kid, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. what all do you remember about that talk?” he had finally looked into your face and seemed worried.

“That monsters have distinct roles in social bonding, and even though humans don’t have those that we still have the scent markers that indicate our roles.”

“right.” He seemed a little encouraged. “it’s mostly formality, nowadays, but there’s a few lingering bits. And as for why the others were staring, well…” His goofy smile in his soft, solid skull got a little shy, “you uh…you’re an alpha, kid. ain’t many’a those around.”

“THE ONLY ONES I KNOW OF ARE UNDYNE AND THE ROYALS!” Papyrus hopped back into the living room now that all the boxes were in their proper rooms. “SO WE WERE ALL KIND OF TAKEN ABACK BY THAT. WHICH IS WHY I WAS THE BRAVE ONE AND CAME OVER ANYWAY!”

An alpha? YOU?! Anxious, socially awkward, nerdy you.

“You aren’t trying to joke with me, right? I’m not alpha material.” You see them both lean back a bit in surprise.

“uh…kid, it’s not a personality thing. it’s a scent marker, remember? You were born to be an alpha. You saying you’ve never felt protective of someone or anything?” Sans has little white lights in his sockets, and they’re searching your eyes (and glancing down where you know your soul is) worriedly.

“That’s…this is kind of feeling too personal?” You’d just met these guys for stars’ sake!

“OF COURSE, HUMAN. BUT…” Papyrus helps you to your feet as Sans shuffles his pink-slippered self off your sofa. “REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID. KNOWING HOW YOU SMELL TO US WILL HELP YOU WITH FUTURE INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS. AND WE’LL BE JUST ACROSS THE YARD IF YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH NAVIGATING THESE MARKER THINGS.”

“right,” Sans seemed more at ease now that they were leaving. “just leave a note or something and we’ll help ya out. frisk’ll probably come by themselves in a few days to give you some pointers, too. they want to make sure everybody gets along well.”

You nodded, showing the brothers to the door. “Uh….thanks. And thank you, Papyrus, for the food and the help with the boxes. Saved me a lot of hard work.”

“ANYTIME, NEIGHBOR!” Papyrus laughed heartily as he skittered out the door, “GOOD EVENING!” It was only then that you saw he’d picked Sans up like a sack of flour and slung him over his shoulder, the older brother giving you a sleepy wave goodbye.

==

“what is wrong with them?” Sans shook himself as he got situated on his own sofa.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THEY SEEMED VERY NICE AND THEY DIDN’T KICK ME OUT WHEN I STARTED TIDYING THEIR HOME!” Papyrus was happy and using a Fabreeze bottle on himself and Sans. “TURN OVER SO I CAN GET THEIR SCENT OFF YOUR OTHER SIDE. AS NICE AS IT IS TO HAVE A NEW ALPHA AROUND, I DON’T NEED THE TWITCHY INSTINCTS AND NEITHER DO YOU.”

“pap,” Sans laid face down on the couch, “they act like they’ve never had an alpha instinct in their life.”

“THEY PROBABLY HAVEN’T, IF ANY OF THE HUMAN THINGS ALPHYS SHOWS TO US AND UNDYNE ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY.” He quickly spritzed all over Sans so he could turn over. “THOSE ‘HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA’ ONES ARE SUPPOSEDLY CLOSER TO REALITY AND HUMANS HAVE NO SENSE OF SMELL, NO DIRECT INSTINCTS, AND NO OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN WHAT WE’D THINK OF AS A TYPICAL WAY.”

“so no gyftmas display?” Sans asks, still concerned, “no nesting contests?”

“NOPE!” Papyrus kneels and looks at Sans, “BROTHER, WE MAY BOTH BE OMEGAS, BUT YOUR DEPRESSION HAS LEFT YOU HYPERAWARE OF OTHERS’ STATUS. DO YOU KNOW WHY I STEELED MYSELF AND WENT OVER THERE DESPITE EVERYONE GETTING ALL FLUSTERED?”

“because you’re the coolest person I know?”

This earned Sans a bop on the head with a soft glove, “YES, BUT ALSO BECAUSE I KNEW HUMANS DIDN’T WORK LIKE US. REMEMBER HOW UNDYNE SHUT ME OUT OF HER HOUSE WHEN I FIRST TALKED TO HER ABOUT GUARDING?”

“because it was midnight.”

“BECAUSE IT WAS MIDNIGHT, BUT ALSO BECAUSE SHE WAS TERRITORIAL. ONLY PEOPLE SHE TRUSTED COULD COME INTO HER HOUSE. AND I WAS NEW.” He picked Sans up and set him upright. “AND NOT ONLY WAS I NEW, I WAS SOMEONE WHO COULD GET OVERPOWERED BY HER AURA AND LOSE TRACK OF MYSELF. BUT! BECAUSE I WAS PERSISTENT AND AGREED TO ONLY TRAIN OUTSIDE FOR A WHILE, SHE CAME AROUND. NOW THAT IS CLASSIC ALPHA BEHAVIOR.”

“don’t think anybody’d argue about that one, bro. where’s this heading?”

“THAT HUMAN LOOKED HELPLESS AND FRIGHTENED WHEN THEY SAW THE STARES. NOT PROUD, NOT PLEASED, TERRIFIED! YOU SAW THEM SHRINKING AS THEY UNLOADED THEIR BOXES.” Papyrus was dusting their bookshelves as he spoke. “WOULD UNDYNE OR LADY TORIEL EVERY DO THAT?”

“no.”

“NO, AND THE KING MOST CERTAINLY WOULDN’T EITHER.” He used some blue magic to float a few knickknacks, “AND THAT TERROR PERSISTED WHEN I CAME OVER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ASKED ME?”

“to get off their lawn?”

“NO! I WAS KIND OF EXPECTING THAT, BUT IT NEVER CAME.” He set the floaters down and sat on the floor in front of Sans, “NO, SANS, THE HUMAN ASKED ME TO SWEAR I WOULDN’T ATTACK THEM.”

Confused, Sans scooted to the edge of the couch. “why? You’re the friendliest person I know, well, other than frisk.”

“YES, HUMAN FRISK IS VERY FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE.”

“and who attacks an alpha, much less with a bowl of spaghetti?”

“SANS, THEY HAD NO CLUE WHAT STATUS THEY WERE, AND THEY WERE SCARED OF ME. HONESTLY I JUST WANTED TO HOLD THEM AND TELL THEM HOW CUTE THEY WERE BUT THAT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN PRODUCTIVE. IN ANY WAY.”

Nodding, Sans slumps backward, “and me being ready to dust from nerves didn’t help either.”

“WELL, NO, BUT I THINK I WENT A LITTLE TO…WHAT DID THE HUMAN INTERNET CALL THAT? “HAM”? WELL, WHATEVER MEAT PRODUCT IT WAS, I DID A LITTLE MUCH EVEN IF THEY DID THANK ME FOR IT. I’LL TRY TO CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT NEXT TIME FOR THEIR SAKE.”

“might be good, pap. Ugh….” Sans leaned to the side, “at least your cooking lessons with tori are paying off. They ate all of the food.”

“YES! THERE WE ARE AGAIN, WITH THE CONFIRMATION THAT BEING AN ALPHA DOES NOT MAKE SOMEONE DANGEROUS OR INCONSIDERATE TO OMEGAS LIKE US.” Papyrus hopped straight to his feet and grinned, “I’M GOING TO GATHER MATERIALS TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND THINGS, SANS. THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHAT THEY’RE GETTING INTO WHEN UNDYNE COMES TO CHALLENGE THEM OVER BEING CLOSE TO US.”

“wait what? pap, no, don’t call ‘dyne on this please.”

“OH I DON’T HAVE TO. I’M PRETTY SURE MR. SNOWDRAKE CALLED HER LIKE THE GOOD BETA HE IS!”

“oh heck…”

==

You were woken up by a voice you only half recognized, “HUMAN! JUST CHECKING ON YOU DURING MY MORNING JOG! WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME?”

Peering out the window in the grey light of pre-dawn, there was Papyrus in an 80’s style exercise outfit, all neon colors and sweatbands. Sliding up the sill, you called in a croaking voice, “No thanks? I prefer swimming?”

“OH! THAT SOUNDS INVIGORATING! LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO GO TO THE PUBLIC HEALTH CENTER AND I’LL JOIN YOU! HAVE A GOOD MORNING THEN, NEW HUMAN FRIEND!” and off he shot, almost faster than you could follow.

You didn’t even bother shutting the window when you flopped back asleep in the bed.

\--

This ended up being a mistake.

Sans woke you up by TELEPORTING into your bed, sitting on your legs. “human, sorry about dropping in, but you might not want to be so open so early in your relationship with monsters.”

This confused you till you felt the breeze and realized your window was open. And there were several monsters in the houses around yours staring out their windows at you.

Yelping, you struggled away from Sans and shut the window, drawing the blinds and the curtains. “Oh my gosh that was so stupid! Why did I not close the window, that’s like horror movie 101!”

“you think you’re in a horror movie?” Sans asked, and you turned quickly, “kid, they aren’t staring because they wanna hurt you. they’re wondering if you’re gonna hurt THEM.”

“Wh-what?” You’re so sleepy still, but the adrenaline of fear woke you up enough you know sleep is a distant dream. “Why would I hurt them? Is this an alpha role thing?”

“kinda,” he hops off the bed, “pap realized you were totally out of your depth and asked me to help you keep your head above water by bringing these.” 

You snort a bit at the swimming based puns, guessing Papyrus told him what you’d said, and took the books, papers, and pamphlets.

“What scent are You?” said the front of a children’s style board book. “Being Alpha is okay” said a pamphlet that was…slightly burnt? And the papers were hand written by Papyrus in a near perfect recreation of the font you’d been so fond of in your youth.

“I’m gonna warn ya, too, since we’re neighbors,” Sans says with a cheeky smirk, “that paps is best friends with the former captain of the royal guard, undyne. She’s an alpha and she’ll be here in a week to challenge you because you’re close to people she’s decided are part of her circle. Namely pap and me.”

“Challenge?!” you yelped, and nearly tripped over your own feet.

Sans caught you by the arm, and you felt a jolt from him, but he cleared his ‘throat’ and continued, “don’t get so upset. It just means she’s gonna make sure you won’t hurt us or keep her from seeing us. Like I said, this is one of those ‘lingering bits’ and it’s no big deal.”

“Sans, I don’t want to be part of this stuff. Humans don’t do this! Humans aren’t supposed to deal with this! I already have anxiety, oh my stars, Sans, no! Call your friend and tell her I’ll move rather than deal with this!” He seemed surprised, but you were already stomping down the hall and almost in tears.

“Dude, I barely know you, but I have to tell you, I have depression! I have anxiety! I can’t deal with this kind of pressure and I honestly feel like I’m going to keel over right now!”

“w-wait, really?” He watched you take some pills (your morning medicine as always) and you nodded. “same hat, kid, really.”

“Wait what?” not what you expected that in the middle of your panic rant.

“I’m depressed. Did the ‘same clothes as yesterday’ look not tip you off?” he gave you a small laugh, “got the diagnosis once we got up here. psychiatric things were one of the sciences we didn’t catch up on underground.”

“For real?” you start to make cereal, and just get two bowls. Depression bonding was serious business and you hadn’t had much opportunity for it before. Plus you liked the way Sans felt around you the same way you’d liked Papyrus being around you.

“yeah.” He hopped up to sit on your counter, “but I have to have pap cover my head in healing magic instead of pills. Only once a day, but it’s still weird. Do you have the ‘can’t get any energy’ kind or the ‘hide from the world’ kind most days?”

“Hiding, recently, but it’s mostly energy when the anxiety isn’t acting up.” You pour the milk and hand the bowl to Sans, who takes it with a nod and starts eating corn flakes with you.

“heh, yeah. I got lucky on the anxiety bit not coming along with it, but I got nightmares instead.”

“Ooh, I get those sometimes, too. Doesn’t help with the energy drain when you try to scream all night.”

“ehehe, you got it.” Sans hummed a bit, eating while he thought. “that also explains a few things for us, about you being jumpy and stuff. I’ll call undyne for ya and explain. She’s worried about us, that’s all, so she’ll back off. Might still come just to check you out herself, but she won’t make a challenge if she knows you’re not well.”

“Geeze…” You sigh and lean against the counter with him, “if I’d known living with monsters was this complex, I might not have signed up.”

“eh, you get used to it. frisk likes it well enough, and all signs point to them being an alpha, too, once they’re grown. But frisk doesn’t have anxiety or depression so…guess we can’t judge all humans by them.”

“Hehehe,” You feel better, actually. “And where did Papyrus get all that stuff for me, anyway? It’s only been a night?”

“the book was from when he was a babybones, the pamphlet was something undyne left at our house one time when she burned hers down, and the papers you know he wrote himself,” Sans’ socked feet swung idly as he grinned, “and I only came over now cause your scent was permeating the neighborhood and making everybody nervous.”

“Oh gosh,” You groaned and rubbed your face with one hand. “okay. I have to unpack the boxes today, and read these things,”

“And go to the pool with papyrus because he won’t take no for an answer and getting out would help if you’re super stressed,”

“Shoot, yeah. Hoo boy…”

The skeleton set his empty cereal bowl down, “I can keep ya company if you want while you unpack? I don’t have anything scheduled for today.”

You consider it as you drain the milk out of your bowl. On the one hand, having someone else around made you more likely to do the task. On the other, you didn’t know Sans and you might have to strip down to a sports bra and shorts if it got warm moving things around.

“I warn you, I might not be able to be decent and keep going on unpacking,” maybe that’ll scare him off.

“eh, frisk explained you humans have a hang up about clothes or no clothes. It’s just personal choice for most monsters, so we don’t care.” Oh. How open minded and terrifying.

You just nod, “Then I guess thanks for the company. We’ll start with the stuff in here.”

Sans just nodded, using magic to float the dishes into the sink for you as you began unpacking boxes.


	2. Undyne Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend more time with the skelebros, and the more you learn, the deeper this rabbit hole goes

“so, how’s it going?” Sans asked as you as you finished setting up the decorations in the living room.

You’d been working for several hours now, and you had indeed gotten down to your ‘necessary clothes’ only. “Heh…done. What do you think, Sans? Is this an inviting home or am I still some ‘scary alpha human’ for life?”

He’d found a seat in each of the rooms you’d decorated, and he almost melted into your couch, “tibia honest, I could be here anytime. Good job, kiddo.”

You felt good, especially since yesterday he’d been a nervous wreck.

“once folks get to know you, they won’t be so wary, and once the whole ‘meeting undyne’ thing goes down, they’ll be more likely to be friendly rather than scared.” He hums a bit and wiggled his toes. “once an alpha gets approved by an established one, nobody feels scared anymore. monsters are just peaceful and don’t want fights, and territorial alphas are kinda fight heavy.”

You flop down on the floor and nod. “Maybe tell me more about how this works? I don’t wan to make her mad, or scare anybody, but I am walking into this blind.”

“eh? guess it can’t hurt.” Sans starts gesturing as he speaks, “since alphas aren’t common among monsters like they are to humans, it’s easy for them to feel secure in their territory. An alpha can approve another one to be among their circles with a hug,” his wrist rolls around and clicks a little.

“that’s essentially mixing their scent temporarily and showing ‘hey we like each other and are friends, we aren’t going to fight.’ That’s how it is with monsters, anyway.” He looks over at you and you nod to show you’re still listening. “so what’s going to happen is undyne’ll come here, and she’ll ask if you’re willing to help her protect the people here. if you say yes, we’re all good. if you say no, she’ll ask if you mean us harm. If you say no, again, all fine but less happy. If yes, she’ll attack you.”

You look up at the ceiling and breathe for a while before responding. “What would protecting the people here involve?”

“nothing, kid. we’re adults and can protect ourselves. Plus we have frisk to deal with humans and the haters don’t want to come this far out to bother us. But like I said, it’s okay to say no. just so long as you don’t mean us harm, undyne will accept you.”

Sighing, you confess as you get up, “Sans, saying I won’t help protect you means I’m as bad as those that’d hurt you. Evil wins when good people do nothing.”

He winces, and you feel a sting in your chest. What did you do wrong?

“can’t argue with that. but I don’t want to put that responsibility on you. if you say you’ll protect us in front of everyone like that…kid, they’ll hold you to it. they’ll talk about their problems to ya and look to you in a crisis. Can you handle that?”

“Does it matter?” You sigh and rub your head. “I do that anyway. All my friends just…they always say I’m level headed in a jam and really intuitive and just…I’m already the decision maker. Might as well not fight it since it’ll end up like that anyway.”

He looked at you for a while, then got up and gave a sad version of his smile. “so you’ve been being alpha anyway whether you want to or not. Geeze kiddo…now I know why you’re anxious. But you won’t be the only one doing the heavy lifting this time. try’n trust me.”

When his hand rests on your shoulder, you can’t help patting it. “Well, you trust me, too, Sans. I just want to do what’s right, and with as nice as you and Papyrus have been…you two are my first priorities for gratitude. I’ve got your back. Both of you.”

He squeezes, and you hear a small pop. Turning around, you find him gone. Teleporting, convenient for any dramatic exit.

==

Papyrus came home from work (gardening at the integrated school) and found Sans idly sewing up a hole in his hoodie. “hey bro.”

“SANS…YOU’RE ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE! I’M PROUD, BUT ALSO WORRIED.” He huffed and took off his garden boots before stepping inside fully. “USUALLY, YOU BEING PRODUCTIVE MEANS YOU’VE HAD AN EPISODE AND HAD TO WORK IT OUT.”

“for once, nah.” He looked up at his brother, “just helped the human by giving them some company while they unpacked.

“YOU DID?!” Papyrus was so shocked his eyes popped out of his sockets, literally. “OH MY GOSH, SANS. THAT’S WONDERFUL! DID YOU ACTUALLY MAKE FRIENDS?”

“think so. And pap, I figured out why they’re so…timid.”

“OF COURSE, YOU DID! YOU’RE VERY CLEVER, SANS, AND YOU KNOW I APPRECIATE YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS!”

Sans got up, “it’s private though, pap. Just know me’n them are pretty similar and I think we’ll be good for each other. They even gave me breakfast.”

“THEIR FIRST PROVISION OF FOOD! OH SANS, HOW SWEET!” Papyrus cooed. “OKAY, I AM DEFINITELY EXCITED TO SEE HOW THEY DO IN A CONFRONTATION WITH UNDYNE.”

“dyne isn’t going to confront them. She’s just going to accept them. I called her and explained what I learned cause the human said I could, and she agreed it was not a confrontation worthy scenario.”

“AWWW.” Papyrus headed into the bathroom under the stairs of their house, “SANS, YOU NOT ONLY DID SEWING, BUT YOU CALLED SOMEONE? THEY REALLY ARE A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOU!”

Sans finished up his sewing as Papyrus took his shower and got into other clothes for his off time. Now his hoodie was all in one piece again. It felt nice to get something done. When Papyrus emerged in a fresh t-shirt and capri pants (normal sized pants, but his legs were too long), Sans asked, “would ya mind if I come with you and the human to the pool?”

“MIND? SANS, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO EXERCISE IF YOU JUST COME!” Papyrus jumped for joy. “I KNOW YOU LIKE BEING AT HOME, BUT I’M SO GLAD YOU WANT TO COME.”

“hehe, wow.” Sans slipped his hoodie back on, “if I knew it’d make you this happy, I’d have come out and watched you train more.”

“I WISH I’D TOLD YOU, THEN.” He ran upstairs, “I STILL HAVE YOUR SWIMSHORTS FROM LAST YEAR. THEY SHOULD FIT!”

“yeah…” The nervous hesitance did not escape Papyrus’ notice, but he waved it off for his brother’s pride. Sans needed support, not chastisement right now. His abhorrent diet could be fixed when he didn’t feel inadequate on every other level as well.

==

You were thinking about a mid-afternoon nap when there was a knock on your door.

It’s no surprise that it’s Papyrus on the other side. “HELLO HUMAN! ARE YOU READY FOR OUR EXERCISE OUTING?” Sans gave you a wave from beside him, wearing a white shirt and…red, slightly too tight swim trunks.

“Oh, wow, uh, okay. No. Let me go get my swimsuit on and we’ll go.” You run upstairs and do so, getting your beach bag as well, returning with some OK gym clothes over it all.  
“Do you have a car or do you want me to drive?” You ask as you arrive; you don’t know if Papyrus can fit in your tiny, decade old Impala.

“DRIVE? BUT IT’S ONLY SIXTEEN BLOCKS AWAY?” Papyrus was confused.

Sans intervened, “pap, human muscles tire out faster than magic.”

“OH! WELL GOODNESS, YES, LET’S DRIVE SO WE CAN ENJOY THE WATER! I DON’T HAVE A SUPER FANCY SPORTS CAR FOR NOTHING!” He then picked you up in one arm, Sans in the other, and…you were wobbled over to the shiny red car parked outside the house next to yours.

It….was a rather strange house. It looked wrong, somehow, like you weren’t seeing it right even though you were sure you were. But it was two stories, with a balcony, and a pirate flag on the roof and red and green fairy lights around the small gabled porch around the front door.

Papyrus set you and Sans on the ground before placing a towel down on every seat in the car, including a massive beach towel over the back seat. Then he opened the passenger door, “NOW NO ONE WILL GET THEIR SCENT ON MY CAR. I WANT IT TO SMELL LIKE NEW CAR SMELL FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!”

It made sense, since monsters had such heightened olfactory powers, and you were fine sitting on the towel. It also made sure you checked yourself for things you’d need. Towel to dry off? Check. Nose plugs, check, ear plugs, check…

The moment Papyrus pulls out, you hastily click in your seatbelt. The skeleton drives FAST and though Sans seems unflustered by the extreme speed, you aren’t so callous to it. What normally takes you ten minutes to drive takes him only three. You exit the sleek red ride extremely frightened and stiff.

“kid, you okay?” Sans asks as he hops out. The slight inward turn of his browbones lets you read his concern.

“N-no.” You’re shaking and your eyes are burning from trying not to cry.

“HUMAN? OH. OH NO, I’M SO SORRY!” Papyrus kneels next to you and holds out his hands, “DO YOU WANT ME TO WALK YOU THROUGH A BREATHING EXERCISE?”

“p-please?” You just wanted to be able to save some money, not have near daily panic attacks!

“OKAY. LET’S BREATHE IN FIRST.” He does this as you clutch at his soft gloves. “AFTER THAT FOUR COUNT, WE HOLD FOR SEVEN, ALRIGHT?”

You nod.

When he finishes counting to seven, he slowly breathes out, “AND OUT FOR EIGHT.”

Sans seems to be doing this with you, and you’re just glad SOMEBODY is trying to help. Even if skeletons doing breathing exercises makes you want to laugh through your tears. It instead comes out as a hiccupping noise.

The exercise is repeated about five times, and you feel a lot more grounded.

“heh, good job, kid. you got yourself back,” Sans puts his hand on your shoulder again, and you sigh deeply. “you still okay with swimming?”

“Yeah. The water always helps when I get overwhelmed like that.”

Papyrus is slumped and gets up slowly, “I AM STILL SO VERY SORRY. I HAD NO INTENTIONS OF TRIGGERING YOU, HUMAN, BUT I FEEL AWFUL FOR DOING SO. I WILL GO MUCH SLOWER ON THE WAY HOME AND REMEMBER TO DRIVE AT HUMAN SPEEDS FROM NOW ON IF YOU ARE WITH ME.”

“Don’t feel bad, Papyrus.” You really don’t blame him. “You guys haven’t had a lot of time to get used to being able to drive, right? I was just scared we’d crash or hit someone going so fast.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, IT COULD HAPPEN IF OTHERS DO NOT HAVE THE SUPERIOR MAGIC CONTROL I DO.” This made him contemplative. “I WILL READ MY HUMAN DRIVING MANUAL MORE CLOSELY TONIGHT. I GUESS THE INSTRUCTOR HUMANS WERE NOT WRONG IN THAT HIGH SPEED IS DANGEROUS FOR EVERYONE.”

“yeah, bro. it’s cool you can do it, but maybe save it for special occasions.”

You had to agree. If Papyrus really had his magic under enough fine tuning to drive safely for himself at that speed, you would count that as a very impressive parlor trick. But not good for the actual road.

-

The water is heavenly. It’s warm, and the familiar scent of chlorine eases every nerve in your body as you sit on the surface of the deep end. Papyrus, covered in water wings from head to toe, is swimming laps, and Sans is floating on a ring provided by the health center. Having a public, indoor pool has been so good for you, and now that you have friends to go with, or at least fun neighbors, it feels even better. Just twirling in the water, or doing the armchair pose, or trying to be a mermaid for a little bit.

Yes, the snooty rich people from the gated community had been rude when Sans and Papyrus came in with you, but you ignored their gross comments about dusty water and got into your happy place anyway. 

Sans had left his shirt on, and it looked kind of weird as it stuck in all the gaps of his bones, and it let you see how the magic holding him together was shaped, kind of. He was just a chunky dude, ribs showing and then a little pocket of something that made him have a pot belly. But you thought he looked cute relaxing there in his innertube. Not awkward or anything. Just….really happy. And happy was cute.

“HUMAN! YOU HAVE AN AMAZING SENSE OF WATER BALANCE. YOU’VE MANAGED TO HOLD THAT POSE DESPITE IT’S DUBIOUS STABILITY.” Papyrus slides through the water to stop near you. “HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU BEEN SWIMMING?”

“Uh..” you have to stop your observation of the floating potato that is Sans to answer, “since I was five or six? So…..more than twenty years.”

“ASTOUNDING! WATER IS DIFFICULT FOR SKELETONS, BUT I ADMIRE YOUR DEDICATION TO SUCH A PLEASANT AND RELAXING ACTIVITY. DID YOU EVER COMPETE IN SWIMMING?”

“No,” You sigh and decide it’s back floating time. “Competition makes me feel kind of sick to my stomach. I don’t want to compete; I just want to be good at my hobby and enjoy that without there having to be anybody ‘losing’ for me to do that.”

“pretty cool outlook there,” Sans lazily kicks himself over with just one leg. “I like that idea.”

“WOWIE! IT’S A VERY FRIENDLY WAY TO THINK, TOO. I LIKE COMPETING, BUT I DO SEE AND APPRECIATE YOUR POINT. I’M VERY GLAD YOU ENDED UP BEING OUR NEIGHBOR.”

You just smile as you float. It feels nice just having these two nearby, even if you aren’t talking. You’re getting happier with the idea of being their neighbor, too.

\--

Papyrus drove home much slower. He obeyed the street signs, and you got home feeling tired but pleased.

“WE HAD A LOVELY TIME SWIMMING, HUMAN! IF YOU WANT TO GO AGAIN SOON, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME!”

You pull your phone out and hand it to him, “Put your number in, then, so I can.” Papyrus squeals softly and taps away eagerly.

Sans spent most of the ride analyzing your fingers as they were pruned up, but he grabbed your phone when Papyrus was done, and soon enough had typed his own number in, too. “I’m a texter, so don’t expect too many calls. And don’t worry if I don’t reply for like…ever. Phone’s always on silent.”

“MINE’S NOT! SO IF YOU NEED HIM TO REPLY IN A TIMELY MANNER TO SOMETHING, JUST TELL ME!” You get out of the car and nod, stowing your phone in your bag before waving.

“Bye, guys. Talk to you both later.”

You have the feeling you’ve made a very good connection.

==

Sans really hated when Undyne was riled up.

“Mr. Snowdrake said they were shameless and cold! I’m gonna show that human you don’t mess with innocent people like that!” She growled, her one yellow eye blazing.

“BUT DO REMEMBER WHAT SANS TOLD YOU, UNDYNE!” Papyrus could usually talk her down somewhat.

“Rrrrrraaagh!” she suplexed Papyrus (gently) into the carpet, “I know, but it really is making me confused between what the shortie said and what Mr. Snowdrake said.”

“uh, dyne, they had no idea what they were doing.” He supposed he’d step in. He had told the human he’d try to help. “humans don’t smell their markers, right?”

“Right,” even around her eye patch, Undyne looked skeptical.

“this human has the problems I mentioned, on top of not knowing anything about how others react or their own status. They literally were frightened of papyrus with his friendship spaghetti.”

“Oh.” She slumped as she put Papyrus back on his feet. “I mean…you guys have known them for a week and a half now, right? Are they an okay kinda human?”

“OH UNDYNE, THEY’RE SO FRIENDLY!” Papyrus cooed. “OUR COOL NEIGHBOR SHARED THEIR COOKBOOKS WITH ME, AND THEY INVITED US OVER FOR A MOVIE MARATHON SO WE COULD BE READY BEFORE THE NEW STACKY BLOX MOVIE COMES OUT!”

“yeah,” Sans could relax a bit as he saw Undyne relax, “and they’ve been super chill about everything. I had to borrow their internet when ours went out and they even changed the name of it to ‘skelesharing’.”

“Dang…” Undyne rubbed her chin while her other hand went to her hip. “That’s pretty cool. How’ve they been about other monsters though? Like Moldsmals and Migosps?”

“THEY LIKE TO PET MOLDSMALS AFTER ASKING IF THEY CAN. AND MIGOSPS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED DOING DANCES IN THEIR BACKYARD WHEN THEY GO OUT THERE TO GET FRESH AIR. THEY EVEN PUT A LITTLE DOOR ON THEIR BACK FENCE FOR THE USE OF SMALLER MONSTER FRIENDS WHO MIGHT NEED TO HIDE THERE.”

“they’re worried about rude humans,” Sans explains as he stretches. “know that smaller monsters are easier targets, so they want to keep them safe. Whimsuns are even okay with them, land on their hair and everything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that, too? Now I wanna fight but I don’t wanna fight THEM.” Undyne flopped onto the couch next to Sans, “You’re a dork for not telling me, and THEY’RE a dork for being so dang nice! Geeze, and we thought Frisk was an outlier.”

“THEY PROBABLY STILL ARE, BUT THIS HUMAN IS ALSO CLOSE TO THEM ON THE SCALE OF ACCEPTANCE VERSUS INTOLERANCE.” Papyrus bounced on his heels, “SO DOES THAT MEAN I CAN CALL THEM AND WE CAN DO AN ACCEPTANCE DISPLAY?”

With a deep sigh and a small gritting of her razor-sharp teeth, Undyne nods, “Okay, fine, Paps. Call the human and tell them to meet me outside.”

Papyrus ran out the house excitedly, completely forgetting about phones being a thing, both of the remaining monsters laughing at his joyous call of “HUMAN!”

“You sure they’re good, Sans?” Undyne asks, rubbing her arm. “I mean have you CHECKed them?”

“mmhm. No lv no exp, dim yellow soul, maybe leaning toward lime.” Sans gave her a small smirk, “plus I got to see them as vulnerable as a human can be. in the pool.”

“They got into water with you around? Wow, humans are so weird. Did Pap have those stupid balloons on his arms and legs again?”

“yes.”

“Oh geeze! Ahahaha! What a dork!” Undyne laughed as she headed outside at last. “We’ll catch up after I school this human on how to be a good alpha.”

“okie dokie. Bye, undyne.” That had gone a lot better than it could have.

==

You didn’t know what to do when Papyrus pulled you out of your door.

“HUMAN! IT’S TIME! UNDYNE ARRIVED AND IS ABOUT TO ACCEPT YOU! COME ON!”

He’s so excited, but you just woke up and have barely gotten dressed. You’d slept in because it was a holiday. Nowhere to go, no need to get out and…

Now a very intimidating fish woman is standing in the street in front of your house and every monster around is out to come see.

“Hey, punk!” Undyne, you presume, grins at you as her facial fins flare a bit. You can’t help be distracted by her long red ponytail. Is that hair or some kind of special fin? She doesn’t seem to have any more if it is hair. How did she get it that way?

Papyrus pushes you forward and you find your voice, “Uh, hi? Undyne, I guess?”

“Heh, so you’ve heard of me! Great!” She has one hand on her hip and..

“Is that a magic spear?!”

She seems surprised and looks at the weapon in her hand, “Uh, yeah, how else would I be ready to fight you if you wanna hurt people in my territory? Where’s your weapon?”

“I don’t have one! I’m a non-violent person,” You feel the panic rising in your chest, but Papyrus puts his hand on your shoulder and you remember what Sans told you. You aren’t alone. And this is a formality not a real battle.

“Heh, you really DON’T know how to be an alpha.” Undyne chuckles, and she seems to relax a little. “Okay, punk, for real, do you want to help me protect the people here?”

You nod, and she grins, “And do you wanna let me teach you how to be a good alpha?”

“Oh geeze, yes, please help me.” You have been yearning for instruction ever since the boys started explaining this stuff to you. You need anything you can get in the way of help.

“Then come’ere and hug me, ya dork!” She doesn’t even give you the chance, charging and sweeping you up in a very forceful hug that pops about six different spots in your back. You hear a startled gasp and a weak “nyeh?!” from Papyrus.

“Welcome to the alliance, you nerd,” Undyne puts you down and gives your hair a ruffle, “Now follow me. Your schooling starts now!”


	3. How This Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne lays down some exposition and you get to meet the famous Grillby~

As you get pulled along, you turn and ask desperately, “Papy, please come with me?!”

He has a flush of orange magic across his face, but seeing your distress pulls him out of whatever it was and he jogs up next to you, “OH CERTAINLY! THIS IS THE STUFF THEY TEACH MONSTER KIDS IN HEALTH CLASS, SO IT ISN’T LIKE I HAVEN’T HEARD IT.”

“Wow, Pap…” Undyne looks at him and smirks, “You must really like this kid.”

He tilts his head as he picks you up (like usual. You’re used to it at this point) and asks, “WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? I MEAN, OF COURSE I LIKE THEM, THEY ARE MY FRIEND AND DEAR NEIGHBOR, BUT YOU SEEM SURPRISED?”

“Pap, your aura shifted. You’re in their circle instead of mine.”Undyne snorted and gave him a slap on the back. “But no! I’m not surprised from what you guys said about them! Of course somebody as soft-hearted and nice as you would fit better with a wimp like this one!”

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” Papyrus seemed disappointed, even though he hugged you closer like a teddy bear.

“I didn’t either. How do you even know if someone’s in a circle or not? And what’s a circle other than a shape?” You wanted definitions to study. You wanted more information than those few little bits Papyrus had gathered for you.

Undyne cackled as she headed into the small park down the street from your house. “Okay, okay, we’ll start real basic.”

She got her spear and used the end to draw in the sand of a playground, “Okay, so people are born with traits. Some like to clean, some like to socialize, some like to lead, stuff like that. That natural skill is represented through your scent marker. Cleaners, kid wranglers, food makers, those people are a LOT more likely to be omegas than anything else, but it’s not like people can’t enjoy that stuff without being one. It’s a skill, and it can be learned like anything else.”

She’d drawn three circles on the ground in a triangular arrangement and labled them with an A, a B, and an O.

“Papyrus here is a cleaner and a food maker by nature, and he ended up being omega like I said. BUT!” Undyne glances up and Papyrus beams as he puts you down, “He also is really great at fighting and wants to help others. Those two traits are more in line with an Alpha and a Beta, respectively.” She makes marks in each circle for his traits and you start to get it.

“AND SANS IS AN OMEGA, BUT HE’S ONLY GOOD AT ONE SKILL FOR US. HE’S GOOD AT FIXING THINGS IN THE HOME, LIKE CLOTHES OR MACHINES.” Papyrus adds, and Undyne makes another mark in the O circle.

“But he’s also good at socializing, and can read people really well. Those are more Beta traits.” She makes two marks in the B zone. “You getting it so far?”

“Kinda?” You look at your two teachers and they look back expectantly at you. Oh, they want you to elaborate. “Uh, so people are born with their markers, but can develop other skills and traits outside the ‘expected’ sets?”

“RIGHT! BECAUSE EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH FREE WILL AND THEIR OWN LIKES AND DISLIKES.” Papyrus is pleased with you, you can see him sparkling, literally.

Undyne nods, “And sometimes trauma can shift someone’s trait set, too. You can have an Alpha who’s almost catatonic if they lose someone close to them, or a Beta who’s terrified of others from a mugging or something. It’s all really dependent on the person.”

“LIKE YOU, FRIEND.” Papyrus puts his hand on top of your head, just setting it there. “YOU’RE AN ALPHA, BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO FIGHT, AND YOU ARE A LOT GENTLER AND RETIRING THAN WOULD BE EXPECTED.”

“And that’s why Papyrus changed his circle.” Undyne grinned, “Circles are made of an alpha and the betas and omegas who naturally click with them. With monsters, it’s easy to just FEEL in their magic when a person’s changed their circle. Pap’s been in my circle since we met, and I was the first circle he’d been in. But now he’s in yours, cause his energy is kinda flowing more like yours than mine. Your souls match up better, cause you’re both NERDS!”

While she laughed, Papyrus huffed and made an expression that made you think he was trying to roll his eyes without having any.

“So, people’s circles change? And that’s okay?” You don’t want to steal someone or make anybody mad.

“Yeah, punk, it’s fine. Any good alpha wants their buddies to be with the right circle for them, whether it’s theirs or not. And some people aren’t in a circle at all. A lot of the monsters around your area are just doing their own thing, even though the people from Snowdin kinda made a pseudo-circle with each other.”

“IT’S TRUE!” Papyrus takes his hand away and sits on the grass outside the sand circle. “THAT HAPPENS WHEN A COMMUNITY FORMS WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF AN ALPHA. PEOPLE KIND OF GATHER NATURALLY, AND SNOWDIN WAS SO CLOSE KNIT THAT THEY FORMED A COHERENT GROUP EVEN WITHOUT THE UNITING PRESENCE OF A CENTRAL AUTHORITY.”

“grillbz was the closest we ever came to an alpha,” Sans just APPEARED like usual and startled the heck out of you.

“Geeze, Sans, who’s that?” You really don’t like when he does that.

“grillby, local bar owner and a borderline beta. He had a strong enough aura to make his bar the communal hub. He’s also my best friend.”

Undyne sighed loudly, “Yeah, you get cases like that, too. A strong beta can lead a group pretty well, too, but those groups won’t be as strongly tied. Grillby’s an elemental monster, too, so that also increased his ability to bring people together just cause he was so magically powerful.”

“And he decided to run a bar instead of be the mayor or something?” You’re confused.

“yep,” Sans is now lounging in the grass, “cause he loves making good food and good drinks for the people that matter to him. and that happens to be everybody in snowdin.”

“ALSO BECAUSE POLITICS ARE STUPID.” Papyrus adds, “HONESTLY, OUR MONARCHY WAS MUCH LESS COMPLICATED THAN YOUR HUMAN BUREAUCRATIC NIGHTMARE.”

“Can’t exactly argue with you, Papyrus,” You nod, leaning your head on your hands. “I think I’d rather have lived with you guys than up here from the sound of things.”

“We’re getting off topic!” Undyne growled, and you all turned to her. “Back to the role stuff. The REASON our monarchy worked so well is because we were led by a Boss Monster alpha. Boss Monsters are more powerful than any other kind of monster, and when you combine that with an alpha marker, you get a force powerful enough to lead nations. That’s why Asgore and Toriel are so respected. They’re both Boss Monster alphas, and they’re both AWESOME.”

“YES, THEY ARE!” Papyrus is happy as you groan and flop over into his lap.

“Ugh,” your brain is hurting. “I can’t…take all this in? Right now?”

“Oh heck,” Undyne seems to realize something, “Yeah, this is a lot of stuff dropped in your lap. Uh…sorry, about that. Being a teacher now has kinda got me rambling a lot more.”

Papyrus pats your head, “UNDYNE TEACHES GYM AT THE SCHOOL WHEN SHE ISN’T ACCOMPANYING FRISK OR THE ROYALS AS A BODYGUARD. BUT THAT’S ALL THE INFORMATION YOU CAN TAKE, I THINK, SO WHY DON’T WE JUST TAKE A BREAK FOR NOW?”

“i love breaks,” Sans mumbles, even though he positions himself so he can stare at your face and do weird stuff with his malleable bone that makes you try not to laugh.

“Breaks are good, yeah,” Undyne’s boots tromp into view next to Sans. “But honestly, for an alpha who just learned you are one, you’re doing okay. I’ll be happy to answer any questions for ya, kid. Paps!”

Papyrus stiffens his posture and looks up, “YES, CAPTAIN?” Ah that must have been her Royal Guard voice.

“Give the human my phone number once they’re not overwhelmed, and text me theirs. I forgot my phone at Alph’s again.”

“WILL DO, CAPTAIN!”

“And stop being so formal, you dork,” you feel movement, but don’t want to look up. Sans has just stuck out a blue glowy tongue at you and you’re fascinated.

“DON’T NOOGIE THE SKELETON!”

“Fine, fine,” Undyne pats your back, “You take it easy, punk. And take care of these two nerds for me.”

“Can do,” you answer, poking Sans’ tongue and making him sit up in surprise. He hadn’t expected that, clearly.

==

“SANS, I NEED YOUR HELP.”

He’d had nightmares again, so Sans was a little droopy as he shuffled into his brother’s room from his own. “yeah, bro?”

Papyrus was sitting in his floor, pieces of various tactile puzzles laid out around him. “SINCE IT SEEMS WE’VE BOTH JOINED THE HUMAN’S CIRCLE, I WANT TO REASSURE THEM WE’RE HERE TO SUPPORT THEM. THEY SEEMS A LITTLE WEARY AND UNHAPPY. I DON’T LIKE THAT.”

“so you want me to help you choose a puzzle?”

“NO!” he pouted, “I WANT YOU TO CHOOSE A GIFT FOR THEM, TOO! I KNOW IT’S A LITTLE OLD FASHIONED TO GIFT YOUR ALPHA SOMETHING JUST FOR ACCEPTING YOU, BUT I WANT TO! BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN VERY PATIENT AND OPEN WITH THIS WHOLE THING AND FRANKLY I JUST WANT TO BECAUSE THEY’RE MY FRIEND ON TOP OF IT!”

Oh. Sans thought for a moment, then said softly, “hey, what do you think if I give them my old shoes?”

“SANS! THAT IS REPREHENSIBLE!” Papyrus shot up and stomped his foot, making Sans laugh. “NO! STINKY DIRTY SHOES ARE NOT A GOOD GIFT FOR YOUR NEW FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR AND ALPHA! NO!”

“and who said I was in their circle anyway? I could still be free floating.” He really didn’t think he’d click with anybody.

“SANS, IT’S VERY OBVIOUS. EVEN WITHOUT YOUR TALENT FOR SOUL READING, I CAN SEE THAT YOU’VE LONG REALXED INTO THEIR PRESENCE. IT’S BEEN THAT WAY EVER SINCE YOU HELPED THEM UNPACK. YOU AREN’T NERVOUS AROUND THEM ANYMORE.” He sighed and put his hands on his hips, “AND BESIDES, EVEN IF YOU ARE VERY ATTACHED TO GRILLBY, HE’S NOT AN ALPHA. WOULD YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT ADMITTING YOUR NEW CIRCLE IF OUR HUMAN WENT TO THAT GREASETRAP WITH YOU? GOT GRILLBY’S APPROVAL?”

He wasn’t….NOT admitting that he’d fallen in sync with the human. He just didn’t think he could ever feel safe enough to say so out loud. But if Grillby liked them, well, that was another matter.

“yeah, actually.”

Smiling, Papyrus nodded, “WELL, AS MUCH AS I HATE SENDING YOU SOMEWHERE SO UNHEALTHY, I’LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR THIS. INVITE THE HUMAN WITH YOU FOR DINNER OR SOMETHING. IT’S ALMOST TIME TO EAT ANYWAY.”

Nodding, Sans walked out as Papyrus called, “BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO THINK OF A GOOD GIFT FOR THEM AT SOME POINT! SO DON’T FORGET!”

==

You’d started making notes as you figured out new aspects of your place among your new monster friends and neighbors.

An old, thick notebook you’d never gotten around to using in school was now labled “ALPHA NOTES” in red sharpie.

You were looking through the pages right now, just trying to keep track of things.

• Don’t move too suddenly around whimsuns. They’re super omegas and are very easily frightened.  
• Most migosps are betas and they prefer to go with the flow of whoever they’re with.  
• Froggits are super cuddly and vary between beta and omega, but always like gentle pats and words.  
• Mr. Snowdrake is just kind of nervous but his family are really cool people. His son tells great jokes, a good kid all in all.   
• Mrs. Snowdrake is a little slow to talk, but she (and the others attached to her) are very patient with you, so be patient with them.  
• All the amalgamate types are a little spooky to look at, but remember that they’re not hostile.

You sigh and close the book as your phone buzzes.

Punster: hey. you want to grab some food with me at grillby’s?

Sans wanted to get food with you? You’d never been there, or looked up the menu, but you figured you might as well. Especially since you really should have eaten half an hour ago and you were already starting to get the telltale headache of waiting too long.

Me: Sure.

A small buzz went through the air, and after nearly a month of knowing him, you knew that meant Sans had teleported into your room. “so you ready?”

You turn around and nod, getting up, “Let me get my shoes on and we’ll go.”

He follows you downstairs so you can grab your tennis shoes, “pap thought it would be a good idea to let ya meet grillbz. Since undyne and the royals live farther into town, he’s the strongest monster in this area besides paps.”

“Yeah, and I’ve been curious about that since you mentioned him at the park with Undyne.” You open the door and let Sans slip out before going out and locking it behind you. “What’s he like?”

With a hand on your shoulder, Sans takes a step and you yelp at the tingle through your body and the SPEED BLURR around you. And now you’re in the little shopping district close to the health center. “he’s the strong silent type. And congrats on your first shortcut.”

“Sans we just teleported and you’re infuriating.” He seemed to like getting you spooked…even if only a little.

“huh, pap says so too. interesting.” He smiles serenely and walks up to the old brick building next to you. Up a few steps and to the door, Sans opened it for you and you step inside.

Monsters everywhere, and every eye turns on you the second you’re inside.

Sans pulls on your arm, and everyone seems to relax on seeing him.

“Sans!”

“(you’re here!)”

“Heya, Sansy~”

“hey guys,” he responds, “this is the human I told you about.”

That changes everyone’s demeanor instantly. They smile, the canine monsters around a table to the left start wagging their tails, and a barely noticeable crackle from the back of the room makes you look up from where you’d been trying not to make eye contact.

A red bird at the counter calls your attention, “Grillbz says he’s glad to finally meet ya. Sans won’t shut up about how cool you are.”

A black and white dog whines, “Sans, make them move. I can’t see them.”

“right, doggo, sorry about that.” Sans pushes you toward the bar and you walk. The nerves are settling down now as you get a few hellos and ‘nice to meet you’s thrown your way.

“H-hi, everyone,” You manage to squeak out, and this seems to make them happier.

“Aww,” a drunk bunny slurs from a booth, “Sansy, y-your new alpha’s so c-cute! And sweet! I’m jealous!”

“doesn’t mean they can’t be your alpha too, daisy,” Sans quipped, and the bunny groaned.

There is a flare in the crackling as you sit at the bar, and you look up into a wall of flames…well, a wall of flame wearing a suit.

There are small round glasses perched in the flames, and your curiosity soon resolves the person in front of you into a living flame wearing a fancy suit, as you’d expect from a classy bartender.

“heya grillbz. This is my neighbor. Say hi,” Sans chuckles.

The glasses shift a bit, and the ‘head’ shape tilts as a sharp crack, like a log breaking, happens.

“Grillbz wants to know if you plan on stealing all his customers or just his best one,” offers the red bird, and you shake your head.

“No no no, sir, I don’t want to steal anything! I swear, I have no-“

You stop when you hear a crinkling noise. Looking up, you see Grillby covering part of his face with his hand, but you see little streaks of white in the orange flame of his face behind the hand.

A raspy, whispering voice comes with the soft flickering sound, “Human, you truly are as oblivious as Sans has said. I’m not worried. If Sans has found someone to circle with, I am more than happy.”

“grillbz, not you, too,” Sans gets a dusting of navy over his cheekbones.

“Yes, me, too.” You finally see the light yellow eye shapes behind his glasses, and the elemental lowers his hand to reveal a jack-o-lantern like smile, “If you are good for Sans, you are good for me. He’s been a constant joy even when I was at my lowest. As his friend, I couldn’t ask for more than him being settled in a circle instead of floating like most of us were in Snowdin.”

“uuuuugh,” Sans puts his head down on the bar and raises his hood up over his head. “just give us a double order of fries and stop being so mushy? Please?”

A fish-like monster next to the bird laughs, “Sans can’t handle it when he’s the one getting good news.”

The dog monster at the table on the far left of the bar barks and pants a bit, and Doggo translates, “Lesser thinks we should all follow Sans’ new alpha home and check them out.”

“whyyyyy?” Sans whines and you find yourself laughing giddily. They’re dogs. They want to sniff you out. You are never going to stop being delighted and slightly unnerved by how monsters work.

You spend the rest of the evening eating fries (and watching Sans down several bottles of KETCHUP of all things) and being introduced to the regulars. Daisy, the drunk bunny, ends up cuddling your legs and declaring her undying loyalty. Arlo, the horse by the jukebox in the corner, says he’s gonna keep his eye on you, just in case. The Canine Unit (apparently they used to be in the guard?) do indeed follow you home, because Sans gets so embarrassed he can’t concentrate to ‘shortcut’.

And Grillby invites you back again anytime.

And you feel a warmth in your chest as you think of coming back to a place full of such comradery and safety. Even with all the new people there, you hadn’t ended the night on a sour note. Instead, you had been hugged goodbye, told to stay safe, and given an honor guard all the way home with Sans walking as close to you as he could, the glow of his blush reflecting out of the shadows of his hoodie.

==

“paps you led me into a trap.”

“NO, I LED YOU INTO AN OPPORTUNITY!” Papyrus beamed as Sans appeared on the sofa. “THE HUMAN NEEDS FRIENDS, SANS, AND YOURS ARE AN ACCEPTING AND WELCOMING LOT, DESPITE THE LOCATION OF YOUR CHOSEN HANG OUT.”

“the whole canine unit walked us home.”

“I WOULDN’T EXPECT LESS OF THEM!” stepping over, Papyrus gave Sans a pat on the head, “AS ABSENTMINDED AS THEY CAN BE, THEY’RE GOOD AT GUARDING AND THEY LIKE YOU. SO THEY WOULDN’T LET YOU GO HOME WITH A STRANGER EVEN IF THEY ARE AN ALPHA.”

Sans just whimpered and pulled his hood down, “I’m the older brother. I’m supposed to do this sort of thing to you, pap. Seriously.”

“NYEH-HEH-HEH! CRAFTY AND CREATIVE, THAT’S PAPYRUS! BUT I DO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. GOOD THING THIS ISN’T ONE OF ALPHYS’ ANIMES! NO CLICHES HERE!” He was so proud of himself, and Sans just groaned softly.

Getting up, Papyrus sighed, “BUT REALLY, SANS, I JUST WANTED THE TWO OF YOU TO BOND MORE. AND I KNOW YOU’RE RELUCTANT TO LET EVEN ME IN, SO SEEING HOW OPEN YOU’VE BEEN WITH THE HUMAN I JUST…I WANTED TO ENCOURAGE THAT.”

Sans peeked out slowly from his hoodie, “sorry for making you worry.”

“NO, SANS, DON’T BE. I’M YOUR BROTHER. I LOVE YOU AND THAT MEANS I’M GOING TO WORRY. IT’S JUST PART OF BEING RELATED.” Shrugging, he sat down and leaned back. “BUT NOW WE HAVE AN ALPHA, AND ONE WHO WANTS TO DO THINGS WITH US AND FOR US. I LIKED BEING IN UNDYNE’S CIRCLE, BUT SHE AND YOU DIDN’T CLICK. NOW WE’RE IN A CIRCLE TOGETHER AND THAT FEELS SO MUCH MORE RIGHT TO ME. DO YOU REALLY NOT WANT TO BE IN A CIRCLE?”

“pap, it’s….” Sans sighed and shifted, leaning on his arm. “it’s not that I don’t….i just need time to feel safe.”

“YOU DON’T FEEL SAFE…WITH THE HUMAN?” Oh that hurt to hear. Papyrus felt very safe with them, and he was hoping his brother did, too.

“they’re great, really….i just don’t trust so fast. Sorry.”

Putting his arm around Sans, Papyrus pulled him closer, “IS THIS ABOUT…WHATEVER IT WAS THAT MADE YOU NOT DO SCIENCE ANYMORE?”

“kinda….kinda something else too.”

“ALRIGHT.” Sans finally hugged him back. “I WON’T PUSH YOU. JUST KNOW I’M HERE IF YOU WANT TO TALK, AND I’M SURE IF YOU WANTED TO TALK TO THEM, THE HUMAN WOULD LISTEN TOO.”

Maybe it would take longer than he thought, but Papyrus was sure this was going to work out.


	4. GLAMOROUS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting with Asgore is at hand...and a meeting with STARDOM

You have felt…better.

By now, after the trial month, you’d been given your actual assignment.

Or…you would be today. You were going to meet the King and the ambassador, and you were NOT letting go of Papyrus’ hand.

“HUMAN, YOU’RE GOING TO BRUISE YOUR FINGERS IF YOU HOLD MUCH TIGHTER.” He shook you out of your trance. Papyrus had even put on his “battle body” as he called it, to go out today.

Oh. Well you were wondering why your fingers were tingling. You let your hand relax and ask, “Papy, is this really going to be okay? I get really nervous around kids and I mean Asgore is a KING for stars’ sake.”

“HUMAN!”

“Rambling, right, sorry.”

“NO,” you were right outside the embassy, where Papyrus had driven you (at a sane speed), and he knelt in front of you with both hands on your shoulders. “NO, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. YOU ARE ANXIOUS, AND THAT IS NATURAL, BUT IT IS ALSO NOT REALITY. SAY THIS WITH ME. I AM A WORTHY PERSON.”

You reluctantly repeat, “I am a worthy person.”

“AND I WAS CHOSEN TO HELP OTHERS.”

“And I was…chosen to help others.” You hadn’t considered it that way.

“AND PAPYRUS AND SANS BELIEVE IN ME AS THEIR ALPHA.”

“You do?”

“REPEAT IT!”

“And Papyrus and Sans believe in me as their alpha.” You feel excited saying that. These two powerful, magical, CONFIDENT people believe in YOU to lead THEM. And how can someone who smiles like Papyrus is right now be wrong?

“GOOD! GREAT! AND YES, WE REALLY DO! AT LEAST I DO, AND SANS IS AS GOOD AS HE CAN GET RIGHT NOW, SO I’M SAYING HE DOES, TOO. IT’S MY RIGHT AS HIS BROTHER TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS FOR HIM.” He then gets back up and opens the door for you. “NOW WE’RE GOING IN HERE AND YOU’RE GOING TO MEET HUMAN FRISK AND MR. DREEMURR AND IT’S GOING TO BE FUN!”

Even as you step in, you hear quick, small footsteps, and something rockets into Papyrus.

“OOF! HELLO FRISK! YOU ARE LUCKY I HAD NO LUNGS TO PUSH AIR OUT OF!” Papyrus is hugging a six year old child against his chest.

They have brown hair, are wearing a blue and white stripped overalls with a green shirt, and white socks. They then look at you and stare for a moment with dark eyes before signing to Papyrus.

“YES! THEY ARE THE HUMAN COMING TO SEE YOUR DAD TODAY. THEY’RE MY NEIGHBOR! AND THEY’RE ACTUALLY MY NEW ALPHA.” Papyrus sets the child on his hip (hilariously awkwardly) and says, “FRISK, THIS IS MY NEIGHBOR. HUMAN, THIS IS FRISK, OUR AMBASSADOR!”

Frisk waves with a big smile, then signs some more.

“FRISK SAYS THEY DON’T FEEL UP TO TALKING JUST YET TODAY, BUT THEY’RE GLAD TO MEET YOU AND TO KNOW YOU LIKE ME. AND FRISK, THEY LIKE SANS, TOO. HE’S IN THE CIRCLE.” This news makes Frisk squeal and jump from Papyrus’ arms onto you. You’re now on the floor being hugged by an excited child.

“CLEARLY FRISK ALSO ADORES YOU. PERFECT. I LIKE HAVING BOTH MY HUMAN FRIENDS GETTING ALONG!” Papyrus picks both of you up and sets you on your feet.

“W-well, Frisk, it’s really nice to meet you. Your, uh, dad? Where’s he?” you don’t know how to deal with this. Nobody this young has ever been in your radar before. You don’t have any kids and you don’t have any family with kids that you care to visit.

Frisk lets go, except for your hand, and drags you down a hall to the right of a staircase inside. Behind an open door, you see a towering goat monster with bright yellow hair and beard, and two graceful curving horns.

The child dashes inside, releasing you to go sit on the arm of his chair.

Papyrus follows you inside and closes the door, “MR. DREEMURR, MY FRIEND AND I ARE HERE FOR THEIR ASSIGNMENT!”

“Ah, Papyrus, welcome. And to you, human.” Asgore, the king of all monsters….is wearing a pink and yellow Hawaiian shirt. And khaki shorts. He’s actually just Frisk’s dad. At least that’s what you feel like right now. “Undyne told me about you. As did Sans. You are certainly a blessed addition to our community. Would you mind if I hugged you?”

You shook your head. He looked so fluffy….That was dumb to think when he’s LITERALLY A KING, but Asgore had already picked you up and hugged you softly. He was fluffy, and his hugs were AMAZING. You hug back and relax. Even his beard is soft and smooth.

“There. Now we both feel better!” He sets you down and smiles, his tired-looking eyes crinkling at the edges. “To tell you the truth, learning about your experiences had made me a little nervous that you’d leave us! But you seem to have settled in nicely.”

“Um, yes, sir, thank you. I have. It’s mostly thanks to the brothers, though. Well, them and Undyne. I had no idea what I was doing and they’ve helped so much.”

Frisk giggles and signs, and their dad chuckles, “Frisk says they aren’t surprised, and neither am I. Papyrus is one of the most enthusiastic helpers around, and as little as we usually speak, I know Sans to be incredibly reliable and steadfast in his dedication to those he cares for. His glowing analysis of you helped me think of a proper assignment for you.”

Now you realize there is a chair here that is open, and you sit, with Papyrus standing jauntily behind you, “And what would that be, sir?”

“I think it would be very helpful if other humans could understand and learn through seeing what your experience moving here has been like. That said, I have someone for you to meet. Mettaton, you may come in.” Asgore called to a door on the left side of the room, and a robot entered.

Pink high heel boots, a glittering soul in the center of his body, and a shock of black hair would have been enough for you to identify this particular monster from your movie marathon with Papyrus, but his distinctive tinny voice helped, too. “Hello, darlings! Yes, human, it really is me, Mettaton, star of the underground and beloved by fans everywhere!”

“HELLO METTA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Papyrus seemed happy to see the robot, who almost glided as he walked over and gave Papyrus a hug.

“Well, Papyrus, dear, I am going to make your little alpha here a star! We’re going to do a reality TV special on their wacky adventures in learning to live with us monsters. Isn’t that wonderful?” Mettaton sighed wistfully and came to get a better look at you. “Oh yes. You’re grade A material, sweetheart. We’ll make you famous in no time!”

Meanwhile Frisk had hopped off the desk and was patting your hand. Your nail beds looked blue…your whole body was pale…oh, you had dissociated as you started having shakes.

Papyrus instantly picked you up and held you tight, as if you were an infant he had to lull to sleep, “HUMAN, PLEASE DO THE BREATHING WHILE I TALK TO THE KING ABOUT THIS.” He meant the exercise you’d done after the speed ride. You’d been practicing that with him some.

“Papy, what’s wrong? Why did they turn white like that?” Mettaton sounds confused and worried, and you appreciated it but you just COULDN’T be famous. No no no.

“METTATON, YOUR MAJESTY, I APPRECIATE THE VERY POSITIVE IDEA YOU HAVE, BUT MY PARTICULAR HUMAN IS A VERY ANXIOUS PERSON. THEY ARE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK, CURRENTLY,” he’s rubbing your back soothingly as you speak. “PERHAPS YOU SHOULD RETOOL YOUR IDEA TO NOT INCLUDE MAKING THEM FAMOUS OR THEM BEING ON CAMERA AT ALL? OR MAYBE ONLY AT A DISTANCE?”

“Oh my, yes of course.” Asgore nods and stands, “Mettaton, can your crew do some creative work to do that? I won’t have their health jeopardized if there’s a solution.”

The robot nodded and came around behind Papyrus, waiting for you to look at him, “Darling, I know you’re having a hard time just now, but fear not. No one is going to force you into the limelight if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You’re my dear friends’ alpha, and I hope my own soon-to-be friend? So I won’t push you in the wrong way. We’ll just do some interviews off camera, add your voice in over far away clips, those kind of things. No names, no faces. If we get too close we’ll pixel your face out in post production.”

That…that sounded okay. You nodded. Papyrus already liked Mettaton, and you trusted his judgement on people. 

“Good.” Mettaton’s gloved hand gives your arm a very gentle pat, “I’ll take good care of you, darling, I promise. Just say the word and I’ll change anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“THANK YOU, METTATON.” Papyrus had started a very small vibration before he spoke. You wondered what it meant. “I KNEW YOU’D BE REASONABLE ABOUT THIS.”

“Yes, very good.” Asgore’s deep voice eased your fears some. “So, we will do this special and hope it will help our causes. You’re all excused, and I do hope the human feels better and more secure soon. perhaps they can come for tea some time.”

“I WILL BE SURE TO INVITE THEM THE NEXT TIME WE HAVE TEA, SIR.” You just wanted to stay hugged up to Papyrus right now. The Panic didn’t last long this time, but it was always draining. “GOODBYE, METTATON, GOODBYE, MR. DREEMURR, AND GOODBYE, FRISK! WE’LL SEE YOU AGAIN SOON!” And he jogged away with a wave to them, letting you bounce slightly against his soft white costume armor.

\--

“So you just answer my questions and we’ll record your voice.” Mettaton explains.

You aren’t sure you like the boom mic in your face, but you can deal with that. It’s just you and Mettaton in your living room. That’s fine.

“Okay, darling. So, what made you want to experience life in our little community?” he smiles, and it’s not his million watt camera smile. It’s smaller and genuine and you realize he’s just another person like any other.

“W-well, I’d been fired recently, and with the opportunity to experience a new culture, and actually do some good while maybe saving up a bit, kind of sounded perfect.” Might as well be honest.

“Ah, alright. that does make sense. Who wouldn’t want to experience the culture that birthed a star like me?” He boasts, and you find yourself laughing. His posturing is amazing. “Anyway, how was your first day among us? Give us a play by play.”

“Oh.” You think back. “Well, I’d dropped some of my limited funds on a moving truck rental, and I had to load and unload by myself. I was really stressed, and when I arrived…” You shrink in on yourself a bit, “Everyone was staring at me. I had no idea why, or what I might have done wrong, so…I was really scared and upset.”

Mettaton says a soft, “Oh, darling,” but you continue, “But then my neighbor came over. Papyrus, he brought spaghetti and helped me move the boxes and furniture around to the right rooms. He even introduced me to his brother, Sans, and…he explained why the others had stared. I had no idea I was an alpha till they talked to me about it.”

“Oh my! Well, that is quite a harrowing first day! Did the brothers keep helping after that?” He seemed genuinely interested.

“Yeah.” You liked this a lot better now that you had gotten to the good parts. “The next day, Sans came over and kept me company while I unpacked, and we all three went to the pool. I’ve seen one or both of them almost every day since then. I couldn’t ask for better neighbors, or better friends, and apparently they’re both in my circle now? I’m still not checked out on everything about this circle business but I’m trying to learn.”

“Ah, so that’s the only part that bothers you about monster culture?”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m just not familiar with it.” It really doesn’t. It makes sense, to a point. “I like knowing where I stand with people. I like that Sans and Papyrus have faith in me. And I even l like talking with Undyne about how to be a good alpha.”

“Oh, so you’ve met our fierce fighter! How did that go down? For you humans watching the special, two alphas meeting can be quite the drama bomb!”

You laugh, “It wasn’t dramatic. Sans had called her for me, explained that I have some mental health issues. She was really understanding about that and we just hugged before she started teaching me. Yeah, she’s intense and intimidating at first sight, but once you know her, Undyne’s a ton of fun. I’m pretty sure her and Papyrus are trying to figure out how to train with me when I really only like swimming.”

“That does sound like our Undyne. And our Papyrus too!” Mettaton chuckles. “Now, you mentioned that you see the skeleton brothers every day. Is there maybe some ROMANCE brewing? Hm?”

“Oh stars!” you feel your face burn. “No! Stars no! We’ve only known each other for a month now, there’s no way I’d be able to…no.”

“Huh?” Mettaton is…confused? By your answer? “Do humans not sense romantic partners?”

“Uh….no? We…we talk to people? Meeting someone for the first time on a date is really awkward and a last resort called a ‘blind date’. It’s not…something most humans like doing.” Oh gosh, you’re having to explain dating to a grown monster.

“Really? Fascinating! Most monsters are able to sense compatible souls at first sight. So you have no idea if any of your circle are your true love! The Drama!” He leans over your chair and lifts his leg into he air. You don’t understand this person.

“Well viewers, or listeners in this case, we have a new goal! Stay tuned to this brand new MTT podcast for our next entry with our cute human friend!” He makes a clicking noise, and the mic vanishes, folded up into some compartment in his chest. “Ah, that was amazing! Human, you’re our new project for sure.”

You don’t like the sound of that, “Project? Mettaton, I don’t-“

“Oh no, darling. My dear Alphys is happily married to Undyne and I haven’t been able to play matchmaker for FAR too long. And since I’ve decided you’re going to be my new bestie (not replacing Alphys of course!) you’re my new focus. I’ll give you a happily ever after if it kills me!” He stands and holds your face in both hands, “This will be good for you, for whoever you end up with, and for monster-human relations. Trust me, I’m the expert on stardom!”

With a flash, he’s already run out of your house and you’re left wondering how on earth you went from a simple interview to matchmaking a la Mettaton.


	5. Fire and Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You not only meet Mettaton's best friend, but your first encounter with an MTTV production

Sans sighed as you finished explaining what happened. “oh gosh, yeah. you got him going for sure.”

“Okay, but how do we STOP him?” you had tried using the number he’d given you to talk to him, but Mettaton hadn’t been able to answer any of the SIX times you’d called.

“we’d have to ask alphys.”

“Everyone talks about them, who is alphys?” You really are out of the loop here.

“the former royal scientist. Now just a normal scientist. And undyne’s wife.” Sans taps something into his phone, and smirks, “and currently accepting visitors to help with mettaton problems.”

“Shortcut?” you know you probably shouldn’t have to ask by this point, but you do.

“you know it.” He stands and puts his hand on your shoulder, then with one step, the two of you are inside a very white laboratory. “hey al, we’re here.”

“Oh!” A yellow lizard monster with glasses is standing at a desk nearby, and she turns around quickly, shuffling closer, “H-hi there! I’m Alphys. Um, S-s-sans and Undyne told me about you. Um, do you…do you like anime?”

You…kinda do? “I liked watching Yugioh and Sailor Moon as a kid?” You haven’t had a lot of time to watch anything newer.

“Oh my gosh, those are classics, b-but we’ll have to catch up later.” Her voice is soft and stumbling, but you like how expressive her hands are. Gestures are big in monster culture, you think. “So, Mettaton is being his usual meddling s-self, huh?”

“yep,” Sans takes a seat on a stool nearby, “seems he plans to make this special report on them into a bachelor kinda event.”

“Ugh, reality tv. It’s exciting, b-but I don’t like that one. As much as rom-mance is fun, it shouldn’t be forced like that.” Alphys sets some beakers off to the side and turns off a bunsen burner before taking your hand, “C-come on, human. It’ll be okay. He did the same thing to me b-before I met Undyne.”

Her scaley hands are warm, and you see Sans lean against the wall and start snoozing as you leave him behind.

\--

“So, for Mettaton, when he makes new friends, he really really likes trying to help them out.” Alphys explained as she shuffled through some books on her shelves. She’d taken you into a delightfully nerdy bedroom with anime figures, posters, and books everywhere. She even had a rug in the shape of Sailor Moon’s compact.

“I got that,” you comment, looking around to see if you can recognize anything besides the rug.

“Yeah. I-I was listening to the podcast live,” she explains. “I think it at least managed to get the rest of the monster community on your side. Not that that, uh, h-helps the current problem.”

“I just don’t get it? Why did he act like it was weird I hadn’t just fallen for the first person I saw? I’ve literally only met the little monsters and a few of my neighbors. I’ve had my whole life to find a human date and that didn’t work so why now would I do that?” Alphys smiles in commiseration and pulls up a couple of beanbags as she sets some books in your hands.

“I totally understand. Reading as m-much manga as I have, I kind of get how human dating works. I realize it’s not a reliable source, b-but it’s more than most monsters have.” The both of you plop into the chairs and she giggles as you look through the books, “Those are the monster versions of ‘dating for idiots’ pretty m-much. I can’t really stop him, but I can h-help you be prepared. He’s only d-doing this because he’s taken a liking to y-you. It may take a while, but he’ll r-realize this isn’t what you want after a few weeks and back off. I’ll do my best to talk him down i-in the meantime.”

“Ugh…” you look at your ‘study material’ and groan. “Finding your Soulmate”, “What’s Love Feel Like?”, “Sensing your Perfect Match”, these all sound so…mushy and not helpful.

“I realize you can’t sense soul intent like monsters can,” Alphys pats your arm supportively, “So a lot of the stuff in those w-won’t do much good, but it WILL show you the sort of things Mettaton might throw your way. He’s…creative, at least. B-but just read through those and you’ll at least have a gameplan for whatever he comes up with.”

“Thanks, Alphys. Honestly, if humans had been half this helpful, I’d probably already be married,” you sigh and flip through the top one of the stack.

“B-believe me, it’s not as easy as Mettaton p-probably made it sound.” She sighed, “At least not when you’re anxious and k-kind of a shut in. But that was my problem. It might be a l-lot easier for you! Especially since it sounded like the first targets for his matchmaking a-are gonna be the skelebros.”

“What?!” You yelp and hold the books tight to your chest. “He can’t do that! How am I going to face Sans and Papyrus if he makes me go on dates with them?! They’re my friends and my neighbors!”

Alphys blinks a few times, then gasps and beams, “Oh m-my gosh, you don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Th-that’s the reason he’s starting with them. Th-they’re the first ones to bond to your circle, so th-they’re going to be very loyal to you already. It’s usually a good indicator f-for romantic compatibility if they bond to you quickly, at least f-for alphas. Then again…” she gets thoughtful.

“What? What is it? Alphys, I’m in the dark here.”

“W-well, they also bonded to you quickly because you ARE their neighbor. You’re the most local alpha and thus they’d naturally gravitate to you, especially Sans since he hadn’t bonded to an alpha before now.”

“Oh geeze….” you just want to hide. “So they only like me because I’m the closest leader?”

“Nooooo!” Alphys hopped up and gave your shoulder a few pats, “No, no no, that’s not what I mean. Papyrus went against monster etiquette when he came over despite your, y-your um, distress signals. You being a scared and stressed alpha means monsters would naturally stay away, as you were an unknown and might be d-dangerous.”

“Is that why the others stared at me?”

“Y-yeah, somewhat. They were trying to be intimidating so you wouldn’t try to hurt them.” She seemed pretty earnest as she took your hand and started patting it. “But Papyrus…ugh, h-he’s just so friendly he didn’t pay attention to that. And so he got to know you and figure you out before any s-sort of instinctive bonding would have started. Did e-either of them seem nervous that first day?”

You nod and lay back fully in the beanbag, “Yeah. Sans was a wreck. It really surprised me when he came over the next day, but he said it was because I left my window open.”

“Ooh, yeah, knowing Sans, he’d go take care of that for everybody else. But he was nervous because of those distress signals you were u-unconsciously sending out. And as for the window, he was right to remind you to close it. Letting your scent o-out into the neighborhood is a really desperate way to try and attract a mate, actually.”

“Shoot, I’m just a mess.”

“No, y-you’re just human. It’s not like you tried to be e-embarrassing on purpose.” She went to a…Mew-Mew Kissy Cutie? Mini fridge? And brought out two bottles of plain ramune, “Here. You look like you could use a drink.”

“Thanks,” You struggle with popping the marble for a little, but manage it. “These are good. I’ve only had it one time before, though.”

“Y-you can have some anytime you come over, i-if you want. You’re allied with the king and Undyne, so that means we can be friends. I-If you want, of course.” She blushed a little, and you smiled.

“Sure. I really do want some recs on some newer shows to watch. I’ve been in a show desert lately.”

She giggled and nodded, “Sure. You can probably come to our anime night next week? Th-the brothers and me and Undyne h-have it every weekend, b-but we had to skip a few since Undyne was b-busy in the capitol.”

“Sounds fun,” you reply honestly, and sip the sweet drink in your hand. Yeah, it’s not quite fruity, but it’s nice. You like this.

==

Sans had waited for the human and Alphys to get involved before he zipped out of the lab and back to his own house. “pap? We need to talk.”

“OH SANS, I JUST GOT HOME.” He peeks out of the bathroom with a towel on his head, “WHAT’S UP?”

“did you listen to the podcast?”

“YES! OUR HUMAN DID SO WELL!”

“and you’re okay with mettaton probably trying to set us up with them?”

“WHAT? NO! ROMANCE IS A SACRED BOND THAT SHOULD BE NATURAL!” He came out, another towel around his pelvis, and huffed, “SANS, THAT ROBOT IS AMAZING AND THE MOST TALENTED PERSON I’VE EVER MET OTHER THAN MYSELF, BUT HE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME BOUNDARIES!”

“think his whole deal is because he’s an alpha, too, bro.”

“WAIT, HE IS?”

“yeah? no marker, but you can read his soul well enough. You never noticed?”

“NO. BUT IT DOES MAKE SENSE. AND NAPSTABLOOK ALWAYS SAYS THEY’RE IN MTT’S CIRCLE SO NOW THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE NOW.”

“yeah, blooky and shyren are in his circle. but now he’s messing with our human and we don’t exactly approve.”

Papyrus rushed back into the bathroom, coming back out in a “COOL DUDE” shirt and some neon pink pants, “SANS, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PROTECT THEM. AND ALSO, ONE QUESTION FOR YOU BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO…WHEREVER AND WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING.”

Sans tilted his head, “yeah?”

“HAVE YOU BEEN TINKERING IN THE BASEMENT AGAIN?”

“uh….” He started beading magic, “maybe?”

“IT’S FINE, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHY THE BACKYARD SMELLED LIKE FRIED CIRCUITS AGAIN.”

“oh. yeah, that was me, sorry.”

“ALRIGHT. I’LL GO TO THE HUMAN’S HOME AND MAKE SURE IT’S TV READY, AND MAKE THEM SOME FOOD BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S EATING TIME FOR THEM, AND YOU GO…DO SOMETHING ELSE.” He flounced out of the house with all the confidence in the world, “BYE SANS!”

“bye.” Sans waited for him to disappear and close the door before he teleported back to the lab. “okay. now I just have to sit here and wait.”

==

You thanked Alphys one more time before waking Sans and telling him you were ready to go home.

“sure thing. bye alph.” He waved and Alphys waved back with a sunny smile.

When the two of you appeared, you were in your own home but….

“Why is everything so sparkly?”

Papyrus popped out of the door to your basement and said happily, “THAT WOULD BE ME! I HEARD THE PODCAST, I’M GOING TO HELP YOU DODGE METTATON’S AMAZING BUT FLAWED PLANS, BUT FIRST I JUST HAD TO MAKE SURE YOUR HOUSE IS CLEAN JUST IN CASE HE DOES START USING CAMERAS.”

Surprised to silence, you look around. While everything is where it aught to be, your house is immaculate. Your television looks like it belongs in a showroom from how spotless it is, your couch is so flawless you’re afraid to sit down, and your carpet is bouncier than it had been since you moved in.

“when pap decides to clean, you don’t stop him,” Sans shrugs and inaugurates the sofa for you. Now you feel okay sitting on it.

“YES, WELL, IT IS ONE OF MY MULTITUDINOUS TALENTS. BUT NOW, HUMAN, THE THREE OF US NEED TO MAKE A PLAN OF DEFENSE.” He sat on the couch, ending up pushing you closer to Sans. “SO, SINCE METTATON IS TRYING TO MATCH US ALL UP, I PROPOSE NONE OF US BE HERE! OR TOGETHER!”

“What?” you don’t like this plan any more than Mettaton’s.

“uh, pap, how’d that be accomplished.” He didn’t seem enthusiastic about it, either.

“WELL, FIRST WE HAVE YOU TELEPORT THE HUMAN TO A REMOTE RESORT. AT THE SAME TIME, I GO TO THE CAPITOL AND DO MY DUTY AS MONSTER MASCOT AND GIVE OUT FREE HUGS. ONCE THE HUMAN IS SETTLED AT THE RESORT, YOU TELEPORT TO ANOTHER RESORT, AND WE ALL STAY THERE UNTIL METTATON FORGETS WE EXIST.”

You look at Sans, who looks confused, before saying, “Papyrus, I don’t have the money to live at a resort.”

“WHAT? OH. RIGHT.” He huffed and crossed his arms, “WELL PHOOEY. OKAY, HOW ABOUT WE’RE ALL TOGETHER ALL THE TIME AND HE CAN’T SEPARATE US INTO COUPLES?”

“like that better, but still not good.”

You ask, “Can’t we just…not open the door when he comes?”

“nope.”

“METTATON COMES IN WITH A CHAINSAW. LOCKS MEAN NOTHING TO SOMEONE SO FABULOUS!” Papyrus says this like it’s a delightful thing, but you cling to Sans’ arm as soon as he says “chainsaw”.

“ooh, uh, maybe don’t do that, pap.” He pats your hands, and Papyrus seems to realize what he said.

“OH HECK, SORRY ABOUT THAT. IT’S FUN WATCHING IT ON TV BUT YES, I KNOW THAT PARTICULAR CUTTING IMPLEMENT IS VERY SCARY TO HUMANS. DON’T WORRY. IF YOU DON’T WANT CHAINSAWS, WE’LL JUST…GO ALONG WITH IT AND SHOW HIM THAT WE’RE JUST BUDDIES, RIGHT?”

“R-right.” The idea of someone chainsawing into your house still haunted you.

“okay, good. that’s the mode of least resistance anyway.” Sans relaxed, adjusting his position to throw his legs over yours. “guess that’s done.”

“Sans?” you aren’t sure you want to just accept awkward, possibly filmed and aired on live tv, dates with your two best friends and the only people you TRUST fully. But it was better to your mind than the prospect of an indeterminate amount of time without seeing them. It was kind of embarrassing to you how much you counted on Papyrus’ cheery wake up from his morning jog, or Sans popping up unexpectedly to tell you a joke or ask you some…honestly bizarre questions that always had you amazed how he connected them around to something normal.

“don’t worry, kid, we’re used to mettaton’s antics. He tried to set me up with grillby’s daughter once.”

“IT WAS QUITE FUNNY TO SEE METTATON BEING CHASED OUT OF HIS OWN HOTEL BY AN ANGRY FATHER.”

You can imagine someone as quiet and dedicated as Grillby being quite scary if he ever got angry. Not to mention the possible fire hazard that might cause.

“I wouldn’t want to make Grillby mad, more because he’s been so welcoming to me than anything else.”

“heh, it’s kinda hard to do unless you mess with fuku. She’s his world.”

“Then he’s a good father as well as a good bartender.” You grin as you see Sans’ eye lights brighten and his smile soften a bit. You like when that happens, though you aren’t quite certain what it means yet.

“WELL…I HAVE TO AGREE, EVEN IF I DON’T LIKE WHAT HE MAKES. GRILLBY HIMSELF IS A VERY RESPECTABLE MONSTER, AND A FINE PARENT. I CAN ONLY ASSUME I’LL BE JUST AS GOOD SHOULD I EVER HAVE A CHILD!” He leaped to his feet and posed dramatically, making both you and Sans laugh.

==

“I think it’s time I join a circle, for Fuku’s sake.”

Sans looked at Grillby in confusion. “uh…and?”

“Sans, your human’s performance on Mettaton’s show was honest and happily frank. I appreciate that they didn’t sugarcoat things, and that they’re trying so very hard to be what you and your brother need.” He was cleaning a glass, slowly rubbing a cloth across the surface. “And they’ve been coming here every afternoon.”

“they have?” Sans wasn’t sure how he missed it. Maybe because he only visited in the evenings now because he’d been working on his pet project again.

“Mmhm.” Grillby sighed, a small puff of white smoke slipping out of him, “And they’re truly what I was hoping for in an alpha. Fuku will be of age soon, and I want her already stable in a circle before that. I want someone who will be understanding and help her. The human looks to be about the same maturity level as a young adult, and they prove to be so in their mannerisms. They’re close enough to help my daughter navigate herself. So I’m going to let myself join them when they come in next.”

“grillbz are you sure? That’s…you know everyone will follow you if you do. they’re so young still.” He felt…jealous. It had been fine, having Pap in the circle, but Grillby was so powerful, so much stronger and better and…wonderful.

“Sans.” Grillby leaned down and looked right in his sockets. It was close enough to make him blush. “You’re not getting any competition from me. I want to be with them for my daughter’s sake. I am not interested in coming between whatever it is developing between you and them, or them and Papyrus. I would not betray you like that.”

There was a time, when he was younger and more confident and not jaded, that Sans had wanted to be with Grillby. But that was long ago, and those unspoken feelings had dimmed into warm, fond friendship. And now he felt so stupid for being jealous of his best friend over a HUMAN of all things.

“heh, I know. I really do. it’s…not easy, finding out the coolest guy besides my bro is gonna be part of the pack, y’know?”

“I know, Sans,” Grillby laughed softly, “It’s widely known how well you speak of me. And appreciated, as well. I just know this is the right move for my daughter, and I very much decided that in seeing how happy you’ve been since they arrived.”

“heh…have been feeling a little brighter, now that you mention it.” Sans sighed and pillowed his head on his arms.

“Literally, my friend. Your lights have been at least two degrees brighter than I have seen them since…well, for a very very long while.” Grillby poked the top of his skull gently, and Sans waved him off. “Well, it’s late, Sans. Go home to your brother and give the human my good wishes for tomorrow’s show. I’m looking forward to seeing how you and Papyrus get out of this one.”

“alright, alright.” He got up, body humming with the warm familiar magic that came from the food Grillby made, and waved goodbye before taking his ‘shortcut’ to flop into his mattress.

\--

“METTATON, REALLY.”

“Papyrus, darling, listen.” The robot sighed, “I know this is making them uncomfortable, but…I’m not just doing this ENTIRELY for the ratings.”

“THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT FOR? I DON’T LIKE MY ALPHA GETTING SO WORKED UP FOR SOMETHING SO…WELL, SO EXTRAVAGANT!” He just hated feeling the waves of fear and self-doubt coming off them, feeling them squeeze his soul with worry.

“Papy,” Mettaton looked him right in the eye, “We’ve been friends for a few years now, yes?”

“OF COURSE, BUT-“

“But nothing. Papyrus, I’m doing this for you and Sans.” There was a softness to his smile as Mettaton pulled back a bit. “I want you two to be as happy as life can make you, and you were the first in this sweet little human’s circle. So if I can help by giving them a push to know what a catch either of you would be, then I’ve done my job as your friend.”

He couldn’t sense any dishonesty, and by the softness of his tone, Papyrus could tell he felt this genuinely. With a sigh, he nodded, “ALRIGHT. BUT WE’RE ALL ONLY PLAYING ALONG SO LONG AS OUR HUMAN CAN STAND. IF THEY START PANICKING OR CRYING, IT’S OVER, ALRIGHT?”

“Of course,” Mettaton chuckled, “I may be artificial, my darling, but I’m not heartless.”

Nodding, Papyrus went to take his seat.

==

You were wearing a mask. A mask of Mettaton’s face.

And the lights were on.

“Welcome, beauties and gentlebeauties! This is Circle Sizzle with me, the glorious host of your dreams, Mettaton!”

A canned applause track played.

“Today we have the ever-attractive human from our latest podcast! Of course, we value privacy here at MTTV, our guest is going to wear a lovely mask of my face.” Mettaton came into the area with you and gave you a quick squeeze around the shoulders before heading off.

“Now, our human’s two circle suitors are behind each of these curtains, and we’re playing what you humans call ‘the Newlywed game”. Of course, they aren’t married, but this little quiz will show how well they know each other. Catch is, the boys can’t talk or show their writing to the human. I will be reading off their answers so the human doesn’t know which one said what, but you, dear viewers, will! And then we’ll reveal the truth on next week’s show along with what your votes said! Be sure to text Love1 for bachelor one,” there was cheers played. “and love2 for bachelor 2 to our MTTV number at the bottom of your screen once the show is over. Or before, but nobody will be keeping count till then.” 

More cheers on the tape player.

He chuckles and grins, “Alright, gentlebeauties! Let’s get started! First question. Human, if your monster date gives you access to their private room, what step of the relationship is that? I’ll make it easy for you, it’s somewhere from step three to fifteen.”

You feel you heart drop and you scribble a weak “12” on your dry erase board.

“Oh human, you’re so cute!” Mettaton giggles, “They said twelve! Now let’s show our viewers what the boys said.”

You feel grateful there’s no live audience for this because you’re sure you messed up.

“Alright, this one is for the boys to answer first. Your date is staying in their home and refuses to leave. What do you do to get them to see the sunshine?” Mettaton did a dramatic pose while he said this and you wonder how legs can work that way. Then you remember he’s a robot.

He grins, “Ooh, interesting. What would you do to get the boys out?”

You think for a moment, then scribble.

“You’d…offer ketchup and a trip to the zoo?” Mettaton is confused, but he shrugs. “Do our bachelors approve?” He waits a moment, then smiles. “Well, alright, if you’re sure. Now…”

\--

You answered questions for an hour straight. The lights were hot, the uncertainty of what the boys had said weighed on you, and you realized halfway through that you had forgotten to eat breakfast.

Mettaton signed out and came over, removing the mask carefully, “There, sweetheart. All done. You did so wonderfully!” He had a soft sparkle to his eye, and he hugged you gently. “What a trooper. I know it was hard, so thank you for putting up with me. You okay? Need some water?”

“Yes please,” You say, and are surprised when one just…appears.

“Good. Now don’t worry. This is in my ballpark now and you and the boys can relax till next week. Go out or stay in, just take care of yourselves, alright?” He helped you off your chair, straitening your hair gently like he’d been your friend for years.

“Mettaton, do…who’s circle are you in?” You asked. You just didn’t want this much glamour around you 24 seven.

“Hmmhmm, honey, I’ll tell you a secret.” He smiled and leaned in, whispering, “I’m a ghost monster who went corporeal. I’m an alpha and no one knows it~”

You gasped, but found yourself smiling. It made so much more sense now, how no one seemed able to resist him.

He nodded, “And the only people I need around are my dear cousin Blooky and Shyren. In other words, my family and friends are my world and I turn theirs with some pizzazz! Now dear, go home, sleep well, and stay FABULOUS!”

Later, you find way too much glitter in your everything. You’re only slightly irritated.


End file.
